July 22, 2004

Once again, I want to thank you all for your encouraging words and prayers. Every day, I get cards, messages on Prayer Servant, and e-mails. You have no idea how much it lifts me up every day. It's taking a great deal of discipline not to answer every single message – I so would love to talk/e-mail with each one of you!

As promised, I wanted to give you all an update regarding the final plans for surgery. At this time, surgery is scheduled for August 5th. There is a remote possibility that another time will become available between now and then, but August 5th is definitely on everyone's schedules.

I have decided to share with you my decision regarding surgery. There really wasn't an 'easy' choice – there was just 'hard' or 'harder'. After researching and talking to survivors and medical people, I have decided to get a bilateral mastectomy. This may seem like a radical approach, but I have an aggressive cancer and this offers the most hope for not having a recurrence. I certainly don't want to get 5-10 years down the road and have to go through this entire process again if I can prevent it. They will be doing immediate reconstruction at the time of surgery, which minimizes the amount of surgeries I will have. This is the primary advantage to waiting until all of the surgeons' and hospital schedules 'mesh'.

It is still unknown whether or not the lymph nodes are involved. This will also be determined on August 5th. I will have a sentinel node procedure where they will inject a dye that travels through the lymph nodes. The first lymph node that the dye reaches is called the sentinel node. That node is removed, tested in the operating room, and then they go from there. If it is cancer-free, nothing more has to be done. If it contains cancer cells, they will remove more of the surrounding lymph nodes. One advantage to being young is that the section they would remove most likely contains fewer lymph nodes, so they shouldn't have to remove too many. So, pray that the sentinel node is cancer-free so they won't have to remove any others!

After all of my decisions and information gathering was over, I had a rough couple of days this week. My quest was done and now it was time to accept and prepare. I know that God expects me to be honest with my emotions and to mourn/grieve the loss. His Word says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4) God has been there with me in these times, comforting me with so many verses from His Word.

I have a heightened awareness of things for which I am so thankful. I think this is a natural response to facing our own mortality. Here are just a few of them:

1. Kurt – he is affected by this, too, but has remained calm and keeps me laughing.
2. My children – they have been so perceptive and cuddly!
3. My friends – I have so many people surrounding me offering to help in any way possible.
4. My church – every time I am with people from my church, there are people literally waiting in line to give me the greatest hugs!
5. My extended family – I have a very close family on both Kurt's side and mine. They are extremely supportive and loving. Kurt's entire family came on Monday and had a special prayer time for me. It was very powerful.
6. The Internet! Who knew it would be such an invaluable resource? Between the research I was able to do and the site at PrayerServant, it is priceless.
7. Music – I had the greatest worship time in the van yesterday – just God and me!
8. Medical advances

There are too many to list. At this moment, Brayden is up in bed singing all kinds of silly songs. Everything has a sweeter sound to me right now! His nap must have been a little too long today! We're also heading to bed to get some needed rest.

Thank you again and I'll keep you updated.

Love you all – Stephanie