August 14, 2004 – 5 weeks past diagnosis

I think I've finally gotten enough rest to elaborate on some things. I'm doing really well today. Yesterday, I was actually able to sit up straight and still breathe! The pressure is lessening and I'm done with the heavy painkillers now, so my thinking is a lot clearer.

I thought I would give a little more detail about the good news we got from my surgeon. In case you didn't get it from the other message, all of the cancer was taken out during surgery!! I don't know about you, but I've had to remind myself over and over! Kurt and I didn't even realize that it was possible for it to spread outside of the nodes (we thought if it was going to spread it would spread via my nodes to the rest of my body), so that particular piece of information was incredible news to us. I will have a CT scan on Thursday next week that will scan my chest/abdomen/pelvis to rule out any undiscovered disease. Then, chemo should be completely precautionary unless something is found during the CT. In that unlikely case, the chemo I will receive would take care of it, too.

My mom left on Thursday right after we got back from the Good News Appointment. It was great to have her here. There's something about having your Momma near when you are in a pretty helpless state! She was really helpful and I feel like we did get to spend some meaningful time together even though I was kind-of spacy most of the time. She was so happy that we got the news before she left so she could hug me!

As promised, I wanted to let you know some of the things God is teaching me through this process. It has been a remarkable process so far and I hope to glean everything I am supposed to through it. Here are just some of the lessons I've already learned:

1. The body of Christ is irreplaceable as a support system. We are receiving meals, prayers, cards, messages, and flowers that are just stuffed full of love for us.
2. There is nothing like laying in your own bed after being in hospital beds and recliners for 5 days. It felt like the most plush mattress ever!
3. God's Word doesn't return void. (Check out Isaiah 55:10-11.) I felt that God had given me assurance that I was not going to die through the Scriptures that He was leading me to; I just didn't expect to see tangible proof so quickly!
4. Nair doesn't work very well!
5. Our family and friends love us so much! The surgeons were a little taken back by how many people were at the hospital during surgery, but it left quite an impression on them. They could see the tremendous support team we have behind us and commented later on how great that was.
6. If you are ever curious about how you would look if you were pregnant, just get a double mastectomy, tuck your drains under your shirt and *PRESTO* you are 5 months along!
6. Prayer is powerful! Over and over in the Bible, we read about how God answers us when we cry out to Him. I had some heart-rending crying-out sessions this past week and God heard my cry! And I know that many of you were right there with me!

Now, obviously that list is not in any particular order of importance, nor is it exhaustive by any means. But, they are some things that I thought you would enjoy learning along with me! Anyone who knows me well knows that I don't spend a lot of time between laughs, so all of my lessons couldn't be serious.

It has been wonderful to receive calls and visits, so if you've been hesitating, please don't be afraid to call and check up on me. While I was in the hospital, it was best to just have family and close friends since they are the most accepting of me sleeping right in front of them! I was a little loopy and probably surprised a few people with some of the things I said, but – hey, no regrets! Now that I'm doing so much better, I will probably even remember if you come to see me! hee hee! The only thing we ask is that you call first to make sure we aren't in the middle of another visit.

Love you all so much–many blessings to you–
Stephanie