July 13, 2004

I found a lump in my breast and had surgery to remove it last Tuesday. On Friday, we found out that I have breast cancer. The tumor was not completely removed, so there will be more surgery next week. The type of cancer is called invasive ductal carcinoma. This has been a huge shock to us, considering my health and age and the fact that 'this kind of thing just doesn't happen to us'. One of the hardest things to accept is that I will be having chemotherapy and possibly radiation at some point this year.

The latest update is that I will be having an MRI this week to make sure we aren't missing anything else. Also, my case will be presented to the board at Valley Breast Center, where all of the surgeons will review it. Then, I will be having either a lumpectomy or mastectomy next Tuesday. I never thought that choice would be so hard to make (just take it all!), but you sure learn a lot when you are faced with that kind of decision. There is great concern that it may have spread to the lymph nodes, so they will do a procedure Tuesday called sentinel node biopsy. We will know by the time the surgery is over whether or not it has spread. This, of course, is the hardest part of waiting, but I've been assured that one week is not going to make a difference.

I will be using e-mail to try to keep everyone updated. So far, I've been mostly just really tired and I would love to talk to everyone, but it is really physically exhausting for me right now. Please don't be afraid to call, though, as it is one of the ways that we feel the love you all have for us. If we're not up to talking, we will just let it go to the machine. I have already received so many encouraging e-mails and calls. There are so many prayers being said for me right now. I cherish your prayers and thank you so much for your encouragement.

So, here are some specific things to be praying for me and my family:
1. That the cancer has not spread to the lymph nodes.
2. That we would make the right decisions regarding surgery and treatments.
3. That the drs./surgeon/oncologists will be wise in their choices and easy to work with.
4. That I would be able to sleep.
5. That the kids would feel safe and at peace.
6. That Kurt would allow God to carry the weight of all the added pressure he is feeling right now.

One of the answers I'm already seeing is that I'm sleeping better than normal and I do feel quite calm in the midst of this. I think I'm mostly numb at this point, which is better than crying incessantly like I did the first couple of days. I know God is going to do something good out of this (Romans 8:28) and that He will keep me in perfect peace if I trust Him (Isaiah 26:3).

I won't have much more to share until after the MRI or the surgery, so I'll update you all again as soon as we know something. I'm going to try to have a couple of 'normal' days this week since my pain is almost gone from my first surgery and I need the distraction. When you have younger children, they have a way of not allowing things to come to a stop or for me to dwell on negative thoughts. Many of you have asked if you could take the kids, but right now I just want them as close as possible. I know there will probably be a time when I need that. Thank you, again, for all of your prayers and encouragement.

Under His wings,
Stephanie

p.s. Please take the time to read my favorite Psalm. It is Psalm 91 and I didn't know that it would be so applicable to me someday. It gives me great comfort right now.

p.p.s. If you don't know your body well, start getting to know it. The tumor I have did not show up on a mammogram, but it did on an ultrasound. I wasn't even supposed to have a mammogram for another 4 years (I turned 36 the day before my mammogram), so that doesn't appear to be a real safeguard either. Just be aware of your body so you immediately notice any changes.